Friday, November 2, 2007

Self-Pity vs. Gratitude

I think that one of the ways that the devil works on us stay-at-home-moms the most is through isolation. He'd like us to believe that nobody else struggles with little crazy things throughout their day in the way that we, ourselves, do. As soon as we begin sizing ourselves up next to Mrs. Happy Homemaker and comparing ourselves to her, the devil knows he's had a victory. But what a struggle it is to resist the comparison game! Even though we know it's a one way road to Pity City. You ever been there, ladies? Pity City's that place where we think that every other wife and mother has her life, her house, and family in perfect order, and that we're just a mess dreading discovery. I don't know about you, but I've been there before. I've been there this week! But, I've had to come to view Pity City as a temptation--not just as a trap of the devil of which I'm a victim. If I allow myself to play the victim, then I am much slower to get on a bus and find my way out of Pity City and head towards Gratitude Latitude (OK, just go with me on that one). So if I want to treat it as a temptation, what then? Then I have to believe I Cor 10:13 and look for that way out. I've been reading my J.B. Phillips New Testament more again lately. The way it's written there is, "No temptation has come your way that is too hard for flesh and blood to bear. But God can be trusted not to allow you to suffer any temptation beyond your powers of endurance. He will see to it that every temptation has its way out, so that it will be possible for you to bear it." Usually my "way out" is through gratitude--gratitude for the tremendous blessings He's allowed me to experience. It is amazing, isn't it, how a heart of thanksgiving and praise can transform our spirits and renew our minds?
Another way that we can help eachother avoid Pity City is by being authentic with one another. When we share our struggles and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, many times we've cast a ray of light into another mom's dreary moment. Suddenly the sense of isolation is squelched; all that is seen and felt is a kind hand extended in sympathy. Sometimes other moms have encouraged me without even knowing it simply because they're willing to be real. Now sometimes our children force vulnerable moments upon us by disclosing information without our consent. Don't you love those moments? :) Recently when I was picking Olivia up from dance class, I witnessed one such moment. A gal came in with her daughter, and they sat down in the foyer where they were taking off her street shoes and putting on her ballet slippers. The room was filled with other waiting moms and a few little children, and at a rather quiet moment, the little girl said loudly to her mom, "Why are you wearing that outfit again today? You wore that yesterday!" The mother's face flushed red, and she tried to quiet her child, and if a class full of 3 year old ballet students hadn't come flooding into the foyer at that moment, I was prepared to say, "Honey, I am feelin' ya! I am right there with you! Hey, if it's not dirty (and sometimes that rule gets bent a little, too) why not rewear it?" Another funny moment occurred on Wednesday that you can probably sympathize with if you're a mom. As I was dropping Olivia off at preschool in her halloween costume, another mom was walking her two children into preschool when we discovered she had her shirt on inside out. She laughed so hard, and all of us joined in with her, several of us throwing out the hand of sympathy through words like, "I've been there, sister...I AM there...etc.!" Life gets joyfully crazy sometimes. Let's try to avoid the temptation towards self-pity and instead head towards gratitude. Let's pray about opportunities to encourage one another. Maybe you have a story to encourage us!

3 comments:

KL said...

Girl,
It is so true that we have to encourage eachother through it all. We all have struggles. It feels good to be in a mom club where we can just be ourselves. I left a story on my blog about today's gracery store trip.

Love ya,
Kstriss

Jarrod, Tracy, Kyle, Spencer & Abby said...

This was a wonderful blog. I think as women and mothers we spend so much time beating each other down and not enough time building each other up. Everyone else looks so perfect from the outside and we all want that perfection. Well honey, it does not exist!

It took me some time to deal with the fact that Abby was not going to wear the pretty Bailey Boys dresses with the long hair and big bowslike the other little girls I see. One day at school I noticed she played with the boys and not the girls her teacher very frankly told me that every morning at school they hug themselves and tell themselve that they are "fearfully and wonderfully made" and that Abby was Abby and God made her that way for a reason and she was "perfect". It brought tears to my eyes. She is wonderful and has taught me so much about what things look like from the outside and how things realy are. I am so thankful she is not like every other little girl!
Oh well, sorry to go on.
You are an outstanding Mother. Satan will steal your joy if you give hime the least little chance. We all doubt ourselves and wonder if we should be saving for their therapy, all of us.

Keep on doing what God has called you to do!
Tracy

Adrienne Rogowski said...

Tracy, thanks so much for sharing! I'm so glad Abby has such a wonderful teacher who recognizes that she is fearfully and wonderfully made (with or without a Bailey Boys dress and bow). Thanks also for your kind words of encouragement, and I truly cracked up laughing at your last statement about how we all wonder if we should be saving for their therapy! Oh, Lord, help us!